about The opinions of others...

I had a bizarre experience this morning and wondered... how does one react to a completely delusional opinion shared about them? Did I request an opinion or advice?

Easiest Answer: No response, is a response.

A negative, cowardly, communication medium, i.e. text, snapchat, emails, messenger, the opinion has little worth, but it does reveal a lot about the person you are dealing with.

I am confident that many people can relate to my experience. As I mentioned in my previous blogs, I have often been around individuals who critique or correct me based on their own beliefs, believing they are doing me a "favor" by sharing what they consider essential information. They likely wonder why I hadn't sought their advice earlier, assuming that with their unsolicited insights, I can now live my life more wisely.

When considering all the opinions we receive (excluding coaching and teaching), I find that only a very small number are truly valuable. I estimate that the significant opinions I've encountered in my lifetime make up a few percentage points.

I hope your percentage is much higher!

If you're like me, you probably listen politely, often saying "oh," and then thank them for their input. Some of you, who are more confident and direct, might be brutally honest and tell the "opinion-giver" that their opinion is nonsense!

I admire that! I never had the courage to do so earlier in my life.

In this new phase of life, after years of therapy, I've had many thoughts and responses, but most aren't worth engaging in a back-and-forth that could ignite a "full-on blazing inferno" of texted words. Nowadays, I respond minimally on a positive note or simply don't respond at all.

3 Things to think about for your response, or - to have no response at all:

1st

It is important to facilitate conversation, connection and introduce boundaries to people who are important to you in your life. Boundaries build respect. This is important to respond to. This type of interaction sets you up for future, successful communications.

2nd

It's beneficial to spend time listening to someone who is being completely honest and accountable for what is going on. This deserves a response. Remain positive.

3rd

When someone reenters your life after a long absence or contacts you only when it suits them, there are typically two possible reactions. This individual might assert that you are important to them, offering excuses and justifications for their past neglect, or they might behave as if nothing ever happened. It's crucial to question their sense of responsibility. Why the sudden interest? Do they contribute positively to your life, or do they simply take from it? You likely already know the answer, so move forward with caution.

The protection of the "opinion-ator" centers on their well-being and the preservation of their ego, which is their ultimate pursuit. They only grasp the significance of being heard, regardless of whether or not any thought has been put into their comment.

No one has ever approached me and said, "I blew it! I was completely wrong! How can I resolve this with you? I recognize my errors and am taking responsibility." Hearing this would bring me immense joy, knowing that this person has awareness and humility.

Hollow apologies are merely words meant to lure you back. Without accountability or genuine honesty to back them up, they are rehearsed, and the gaslighting will persist.

Having many people close to you can form a wonderfully crafted community. It is built on respect, consideration, and accountability, which is why you come together.

You are reliable. You show up! and not just out of obligation.

Others may attempt this and fail, only to feel let down by those they hoped to rely on and include in their lives. If you start to see and hear growth...give it another shot!

Families often disintegrate because of poor communication stemming from their fundamental values, or the lack of them. Individuals become estranged due to harmful words and actions, which sustain an ongoing cycle of behavior. There are individuals in my life who no longer talk to me because I have stopped accepting their advice and critiques I have become exhausted from. Without their standard conversation of advice giving, they have decided not to communicate whatsoever.

A lot of evolving and growing needs to occur to repair those ruptures in relationships, along with the actions to "prove it". Keep your door open for that repair.

Tip: Leave your ego out of the equation for the solve.

We have all been hurt throughout our lives by the actions and words of others. Everyone has let go of individuals they would have rather kept close and loved, but decided we love ourselves more than the constant conflict with another. It takes a lot to serve ourselves first.

Staying regulated, (command and control of yourself) is paramount.

GOAL >Keep the peacefulness in your life.