stay calm -you have regulation techniques!

Some individuals can navigate their emotions through various challenges without any problem whatsoever, while others may struggle to control and manage their emotional state throughout each day. After exploring Core Beliefs and encountering the emotion wheel, this topic is now open for discussion.

In my childhood, managing emotions typically meant my mom or dad, with clenched jaws, firmly instructing me to stop my crying, or, drop the attitude. In our home, talking about "how we felt" was never part of the dialogue. As I've noted before, neither my parents nor the generations before them, possessed any emotional intelligence skills to pass down throughout the family. In fact, throughout my life, I wasn't even aware I lacked these tools, but thankfully I've learned to acquire them through my therapy journey. It's better late than never, I guess. And I am always wanting to break those negative generational chains.

I constantly struggled to appropriately deal with my emotions throughout my entire life, and I'm 60 years old! Stifling and squashing my emotions, only to have them explode, cry for hours or to say horrible things at the most inopportune times, would have been commonplace for me. Also, I didn't know how to consistently regulate myself on any social or professional level, so I don't wonder how or why I failed at many things and many relationships. To me, It was/is paramount to learn emotional regulation techniques. These are another valuable tool and gift you can give to yourself while benefitting those around you.

WHAT IS REGULATING?

Regulating is the process of managing your emotions to maintain balance and respond appropriately to challenges.

I know that we can look up all kinds of lists online as to how to calm, gather and regulate through challenging interactions. But, I have to say, top of my list...

THE PAUSE - slow yourself down between the trigger and the response. You can be in the middle of an emotional discussion and it's completely ok to ask for a minute. It's just a minute, walk away, take a few breaths, calm yourself, reframe your thoughts and go back for I'll bet, a much better conclusion to the discussion.

ACCEPTANCE & MINDFULNESS - In moments of intense stress, practice the acceptance of the situation and mindfulness to find your calm and regain your emotional balance

EXPRESS EMOTIONS CONSTRUCTIVELY - Use calm, non-violent but assertive communication to express feelings appropriately instead of bottling them up or lashing out.

"I feel like", "what I need or value is", "what I'm observing is"

PROBLEM SOLVING - Rather than dwelling on negative emotions, focus on identifying practical steps to tackle the underlying cause. Consider questions like, "How could I have handled that better?" or "What led to such an interaction?" At times, we unconsciously bring an unrelated, internal issue into an emotional challenge. I've occasionally been asked, "What is the actual problem you're facing? Because it's not this one."

MEDITATION - One of the best tools you will ever have under your belt is the action of taking time to meditate. When I was growing up, it was like a "Hippie" thing to do. And in those years, no one really knew or thought about the benefits of meditating or it wasn't openly shared. If I saw any type of Yoga,..ok, I never did. But the calming, soothing, thoughtful, breath of bringing oneself to center is of necessity in our lives everyday, and I only wish I would have known about this wonderful tool long long ago. My 3 year old grand daughter knows how to meditate, what a spectacular gift she will have to use throughout her entire life! You can have a full chaotic day ahead of you, and if you take the time to meditate, sort through priorities, your emotions and feel the day as an opportunity of accomplishment and well being, then that meditation has become invaluable. I also take time in my meditation for prayer and self love that becomes a wrecking ball for intrusive negative thinking. Meditation is always a positive interaction with yourself.

I love guided meditations, singing bowl meditations, breath patterns, meditations with intention, I have benefitted from them all. There is background meditation music on every medium these days. My husband started meditating decades ago as he started his martial arts career and as a 4th degree blackbelt in Taekwondo, loves meditating to his nature sounds. I was gifted a "CORE" ball that assists me in guided meditations with soft voices, vibrations to feel as I learn a breath pattern and I can pick, from the APP on my phone what kind of meditation I need at that time. Love, loss, grieving, letting go, busy-ness, family, solitude, happiness, they have it all. Heck! I'll meditate in the pickup line at my grandsons school. I wish there was a sign as you pulled into the school, "Everybody! Take a breath"

You can start to feel more self-assured with these valuable tools. Instead of just "getting through" your day, you can relish each moment as you manage your emotions and well-being. Observe and experience the growth in your relationships, and notice your enhanced ability to understand situations with emotional intelligence. See the changes around you as you discover or create your community and develop yourself internally. Take a deep breath. Moving forward feels good, doesn't it?