unpack your mind - understanding your core beliefs

When we started to understand what Radical Honesty was and how we apply it to ourselves and our lives, it becomes a more cohesive thought, to walk into the connection of Core Beliefs. I had never thought about the thought patterns I had already established as an adult. I even had automatic verbal reactions for common situations that would be constantly spoken. But could unpacking all of those beliefs be tearing out the stitch work that was holding me together? How could so many of my beliefs fail to benefit me? how could they be incorrect, distorted and negative? Those were the beliefs that shaped who I was. And now, after this process, I am writing a new chapter, a new narrative and fearless to use a few spools of new thread!

What is a core belief? Everyone has them, wherever or however you grew up, you have your very own, constructed over time, core beliefs.

Defined as:

Core beliefs are strong beliefs a person holds consistently over time that inform their worldview and self-perception. These beliefs function as learned or assumed “rules” for how the world works and a person’s role within it. And these beliefs start in early childhood and continue developing over time from each individuals experiences.

These are basic examples of core beliefs:

Negative Core Beliefs Positive Core Beliefs

• I'm unloveable I am loved

• I'm not attractive I am like-able

• I'm not as good as others I am fine as I am

• I'll never amount to anything I believe in myself

• People don't like me I create my reality

• I can't do anything right Learning is key

• I'm not good enough I'm good at a lot of things

• I'm better than other people I am worthy of good things

• There's something wrong with me My hard work will pay off

• I'm not capable of change I can change if I want to

• The world is a dangerous place Everything is temporary

• If I love someone, they will leave me I am capable and competent

• You have to be happy to be liked Opportunities are all around me

• Everything is my fault I can make something bad into a good thing

As a child, we were just trying to figure out what was happening in our lives and how everything works and why certain things happen. This process is not always based on being informed and educated while being so young. We would absorb information from family, friends and teachers that influence our view of the world, both positively and negatively. The newer generations will also be flooded with influential information from the media to add to their list, not really knowing the true positives while absorbing the negatives -usually without helpful interpretation.

So why does this matter?

Why would we want to sort through our Core beliefs with Radical Honesty?

I have yet to meet someone who doesn't want to heal and live a fuller, happier life.

We have an innate desire to seek answers and explanations about our identity, to grow, learn, evolve, and find peace. With this understanding, we can gain a deeper insight into ourselves and become more aware.

However, I can only speak for myself... I want to understand me, take the time to feel and just do better.

I want to look forward, towards my future, thru the gaze of my past. (Winston Churchill - he speaks of understanding the past to guide the future). This type of journey towards healing from negative experiences, can actually happen while being radically honest about our lives.

As I've mentioned previously, I've carried a lot of unnecessary baggage in my life. I was unhappy, struggled with communication, couldn't successfully solve problems in my life, and didn't realize I was living with a victim mentality. I often blamed my upbringing, negative life experiences and failed relationships for many of my issues.

How can I identify where my core beliefs have misled me?

How can I determine where my core beliefs went wrong?

How do I move forward?

And let me add on to something even more concerning...I was also transferring these misguided beliefs, along with their distortions and negativity, down to my children as my parents had passed down to me. These are the generational chains that must be broken!

Here's the breakdown. There are 6 Compartments of Core Beliefs:

1. DEFECTIVENESS - You internally think you are not smart, not good at anything, you are always wrong - (ME)I learn a different way, I'm never good enough

2. ENTITLEMENT - I can do no wrong - others should do for me - I deserve this

3. ABANDONMENT- I can't be happy on my own - I'm not as good as others - preventing boundaries so others don't leave - people pleaser (ME) I learned this from my mother - what does everyone else need- all my time is available all the time - I cannot say NO -be happy with me

4. HELPLESSNESS - Cant handle change - victimization (ME) I am sad about my life, my relationships, my direction, I didn't know I had to save myself, I just need to complain

5. RESPONSIBILITY - Can't ask for help - needs are always unimportant - it's always my fault - can't trust others (ME) If I don't do it, it won't get done- I can pour from my empty cup all day and night

6. UNLOVEABLE - I don't matter - that's why I'm rejected - I don't fit in - I'm alone - set up for rejection ahead of time (ME) earliest memory of being called ugly - no one likes me because I have red hair, freckles and left handed- no one will want me

For this internal questioning to be successful, it is crucial to utilize your Radical Honesty. Knowing the absolute truth about yourself will lead to your healing and your greatest success with understanding how you got there. So go ahead and state your Core Belief.

As for me, I can definitely hit something in each compartment, as I have marked my examples in parenthesis above.

Think about the origin of where you learned this. Take some time for self reflection or meditation. You will be searching through your memories, experiences and/or events. What happened to you, what did someone say to you? And don't take your first, easiest answer or memory, go deeper. This searching process can be heavy, love yourself throughout.

Once that memory is dialed in, you may start to recognize that "trigger point" (something that evokes an intense emotional response in a negative way). Emotions give us important information about what is happening. When this is recognized, give yourself compassion. Feel more at ease and justified for having those emotions. You may start to feel more aligned with what is actually happening internally with the external world you live in.

When I first began this therapy, I could only identify a few basic emotions. They introduced me to something called an Emotion Wheel. This tool is completed by you to aid in recognizing and linking emotional experiences with Core Beliefs. By understanding the emotion associated with a Core Belief memory, you can address your issues one by one. The Emotion Wheel helps categorize and comprehend your unique emotional ties to specific Core Beliefs. Here's an example of an Emotion Wheel I completed a few years ago, which differs from the one I did last year. As I progressed, I experienced emotional connection and transformation. Print one out if you would like the wheel to assist you.

Please print this out for yourself to give it a try! Your Inner 6 emotions to begin with are FEAR - SAD - DISGUST - HAPPY - SURPRISE - ANGER

Let's end this blog today with a "Call to Action!" Please respond with questions, feelings, feedback or just plain confusion. I would appreciate hearing your thoughts as you process.

Disclaimer: Remember, this is for entertainment and purposes only! It is not to diagnose or cure any mental condition.