The Truth About Cognitive Distortions and How They Shape Our Reality
Have you ever felt completely certain about something—utterly convinced about the meaning behind someone's words, tone, or actions—only to discover later that you might have been entirely mistaken? That perhaps your mind distorted the truth into something distant from reality?
That’s the power of cognitive distortions. They shape how we see the world, how we interact with others, and ultimately, how we feel about ourselves. And for most of my life, I lived inside a house built entirely from these distortions.
What are Cognitive Distortions?
At its core, distortion is the act of misrepresenting reality. It’s when we filter our experiences through fear, past trauma, or insecurity and come to conclusions that often aren’t true. We take an offhand comment and hear criticism. We assume silence means rejection. We expect the worst and prepare for disappointment—even when there’s no real reason to.
I did this every single day. Overanalyzing people’s tones, dissecting eye contact, assuming whispers in the room were about me, feeling abandoned if a text wasn’t answered in the way I expected. My mind was constantly at war, creating false narratives that I believed wholeheartedly.
How Distortions Controlled My Life
For years, I let these false beliefs dictate my relationships. They taught me to expect letdowns, so I lived in constant disappointment. They made me believe that people couldn’t be trusted, so I isolated myself. Even three of my children have crafted their own perceptions of me, narratives I have no control over. And maybe that’s the most painful part—realizing that no matter how hard you try, others will always see you through their own lens of distortion too.
But here’s what I’ve learned: when deception, lies, and manipulation become the foundation of a relationship, there is no room for truth, and without truth, there is no connection. So I have to let go. Not out of anger, but out of clarity. If honesty isn’t part of the equation, then neither am I.
Letting go does not mean I don’t care. It doesn’t mean I don’t feel the sting of betrayal or the weight of what could have been. It means I value truth more than I fear loss. It means I am choosing my well-being over the exhaustion of trying to force something that isn’t real.
Relationships built on deception are like houses made of sand—no duration.
No amount of effort, love, or hope can hold up something built on dishonesty. I have spent too much of my life trying to hold together what was never meant to stand. Now, I choose to walk away with peace rather than stay with resentment.
It is painful, yes, but it is also freeing. In letting go of false connections, I make room for real ones - ones that are built on truth, trust, and mutual respect. That is worth more than any illusion I once held onto.
The Roots of My Distortions
Growing up, I was surrounded by dysfunction disguised as normalcy. Criticism, belittling, gaslighting—it was the language of my upbringing. I mean, I had a dad who built his castle on narcissism. When you’re raised in an environment like that, you absorb it. You learn that love comes with conditions. That trust is dangerous. That if you don’t build walls, you will be destroyed. So, I built walls, strong ones, and for a long time, I believed they protected me. But really, they just kept me trapped in my own distorted reality.
When you grow up in an environment that distorts reality, you begin to wear that distortion like a second skin. It becomes part of you. Unless you learn to heal your nervous system and live presently, peeling it away, layer by painful layer, you will carry it with you for the rest of your life - unknowingly shaping your relationships, your sense of self, and the way you see the world.
Waking Up to Truth
For the longest time, I was sure my thoughts were truth. If I felt abandoned, I must have been. If I felt unworthy, then I must be. If I wasn't included, then I held no importance. But I was wrong. Feelings are not facts and realizing that, changed everything.
I had to stop blindly believing the stories I told myself. I had to stop giving power to old wounds that no longer served me. Through doing the work, learning to live in my body, and choosing to heal my nervous system through a program of alternative medicine, CBT, spiritual mentorship, and compassion-driven coaching. I chose to believe in my ability to rewrite my own narrative, in the possibility that healing was within my grasp, and in the truth, I am more than the pain I have endured.
The past may have shaped me, but the past no longer holds the pen to my story. I refuse to let it define me. I now challenge my thoughts, question my assumptions, and remind myself daily that I am not bound to the beliefs I was given—I am free to create new ones. I can step into my power, I can love myself, I can be...her.
The journey to untangle these distortions is not easy. It takes work. It takes radical honesty. It takes confronting the pain head-on instead of running from it. But the reward is clarity. The reward is peace. The reward is knowing that I am no longer a prisoner to the lies I once believed.
I will continue peeling back the layers, unraveling the core beliefs that kept me stuck, and breaking down the distortions that shaped my world. This is just the beginning of a deeper exploration—a journey toward truth, one that I will share, piece by piece, until the whole picture is clear.
Because living in truth—actual truth—is the only way to truly live.
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