Unraveling the Beliefs That Hold Us Back

Breaking Generational Chains and Reclaiming Our Truth

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When I first began to write, I had no idea what I was supposed to write about. Probably because, for most of my life, I didn’t truly know who I was. We come into this world absorbing the beliefs of those who raise us—our parents, grandparents, guardians and siblings—all shaping our understanding of what is good, bad, acceptable, or unworthy. And Before we even realize it, these messages become the foundation of our identity.

These are our core beliefs—the silent architects of our thoughts, emotions, and decisions.

Some of these beliefs lift us up: I am loved. I am capable. I am worthy.

Others keep us trapped: I am not enough. I will never measure up. I am only valued when I perform well.

For me, I was raised in a world where love felt conditional. Achievement equaled worth, and anything less than excellence was a disappointment. For me, If I did something well, I might get a moment of acknowledgment—but it was always followed by criticism, by the reminder that I could have done better. I learned to anticipate the next correction, to brace myself for the inevitable list of improvements, rather than ever feeling like I had done enough.

Over time, those messages became internalized truths. I didn’t just believe I needed to be better—I believed I wasn’t good enough to begin with. And when core beliefs like that take root, they shape everything: how we see ourselves, how we interact with others, and even how we process the world around us.

It wasn’t until much later that I realized how deeply these beliefs had influenced my life. I had spent years chasing an impossible standard, one that was never mine to begin with. But if these beliefs were learned, did that mean they could also be unlearned?

That was the question that changed everything.

The Weight of Core Beliefs

Ask yourself this: What are the beliefs that guide you?

Not the ones you’ve chosen for yourself, but the ones you were handed—the ones you’ve carried for so long that they feel like truth.

For much of my life, my decisions were dictated by the unspoken rules I had learned as a child. I believed my worth was tied to my achievements. I believed love had to be earned. I believed failure or actions outside of our core beliefs, was not easily forgivable.

Growing up, I watched my siblings endure the same reality. My brothers, phenomenal hockey players, spent their car rides home being reminded of every mistake they made. My sister, a talented diver, saw her form dissected in photographs of everything she had done wrong. Success was expected.

I, too, was given impossible expectations. When I joined the Army, I wasn’t just supposed to do well—I was supposed to become a General. When I earned my degree, I was supposed to build a business. When I married, I was supposed to have the perfect husband. When I had children, they were supposed to fit the mold my parents envisioned.

There was no room to simply be.

No room to ask, What do I want? Who am I outside of these expectations?

I did not know how to love myself because I had never been taught that love could exist without conditions. I had spent so long chasing external validation that I had no idea what it meant to feel worthy just as I was.

And when you don’t believe you are worthy, you live your life trying to prove otherwise—without ever realizing that the battle you’re fighting was never yours to begin with.

But if these beliefs were taught, then maybe—just maybe—they could be unlearned.

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How Core Beliefs Shape Our Reality

Core beliefs don’t just sit quietly in the back of our minds. They shape the way we see the world. They dictate our fears, our relationships, our self-worth.

They are the reason I spent years believing I was never enough. They are the reason I pushed myself to exhaustion, why I overanalyzed every interaction, why I could never feel fully satisfied in my accomplishments—because no matter what I achieved, the measuring stick always moved.

Even now, after years of therapy and personal growth, I still find myself slipping back into the distorted beliefs of my childhood. In moments of failure, I hear the old voices: You could have done better. You weren’t fast enough. You aren't doing enough.

But here’s the truth: Core beliefs can be rewritten.

The ones I was given are not the ones I have to keep.

None of us are bound by the narratives of your past. We have the power to choose new beliefs—ones rooted in truth, in love, in the understanding that we are enough exactly as your are!

Healing isn’t about erasing the past. It’s about reclaiming our story. And that starts with choosing to believe something different.

Breaking Chains and Foraging a New Path

I am constantly evolving, learning, and forgiving myself where I fall short—something I never knew how to do before. The difference now? I refuse to let the past define me.

I choose to build my life on new core values—ones rooted in morals, empathy, and self-love. The core values that allow me to recognize my worth without conditions. Even when it’s difficult, I will choose kindness. I will choose to listen. I will choose to love—not just for others, but myself. On days when I stumble, when I don’t respond the way I wish I had, when the echoes of my past creep in and tell me I am failing—I will reach for the best of me. Because I know now:

I am not my childhood distortions. I am not the impossible expectations that were set upon me. I am not bound by the chains of generational cycles.

My son and daughter-in-law have been wise teachers. I have been in this educational and healing journey with them for 4 years now and have taken the best of what I’ve learned to flip it, present it with love instead of criticism, and with encouragement instead of pressure. They are raising their children with an awareness and grace I didn't know could exist. Watching them lead with patience, with understanding, and with unconditional love, has shown me what healing in real time looks like. Through them, I see the beauty of breaking cycles—not just in theory, but in action. They are building the kind of home I didn't even know how to imagine, and in doing so, they teach me how to be better, how to support without control, how to love without conditions.

This is the legacy I will pass down to my grandchildren alongside them.

They will grow up knowing that their worth is not measured by their achievements, that love does not have to be earned, that they are enough exactly as they are. They will be raised in homes where mistakes are met with grace, where success is celebrated, and where self-worth is never in question. And because they will carry these truths, they will pass them on to their own children. They will raise families built on confidence instead of fear, and on security instead of striving. The weight of generational expectations will not rest on their shoulders, because those burdens end with us.

This is how the cycle ends. This is how healing becomes legacy.

But breaking free from old beliefs is only the beginning.

Core beliefs don’t just live in the background; they dictate how we see the world, how we react to people, how we show up in relationships. And when those beliefs are built on distortions—on fear, on rejection, on inadequacy and therefore judging others—they shape everything.

In the coming weeks, I’ll be diving into these cognitive distortions—the sneaky, deceptive ways our minds twist reality. The stories we tell ourselves that aren’t actually true. The patterns that keep us stuck.

To truly rewrite our core beliefs, we have to recognize where they’ve been built on distortions in the first place. We’ll break them down. We’ll challenge them. We’ll learn how to replace them with truth.

Healing isn’t just about knowing what hurt us. It’s about learning to see ourselves clearly for the first time.

And that’s exactly where we’re headed next.