I didn't grow up with much. I didn't see much of the country until I joined the Army and I never really had a lot of money. But, I was a dreamer.
As a young girl, I dreamed of having a family with a husband that would think I was wonderful. And of course dreamed of living in a home of my own, with furniture that wasn't broken and actual art on the walls. If I could have a car that ran well, that would be great, groceries in my cupboards and my bills paid all the time- I would be happy happy. For me...that was a lot to ask of my dreams because it was much better than I had known.
Did I seem like a weak dreamer? Possibly, but I didn't stop there. Through the years, I have always updated my dreams as I continued to grow and learn more about myself and having life circumstances change and improve. It does seem to be acceptable to me that there should be no parameters on dreaming, just don't stop, and don't get greedy.
I had parents that worked hard, but life tasks seemed difficult for them to figure out correctly and they did not possess or acquire many "life tools" to fill their toolbox. With a near-empty toolbox, parents like mine did not have much knowledge to pass on. I'm thinking they just crossed their fingers, squeezed their eyes real tight and hoped for the best.
As I have gotten older and been a part of FACEBOOK for years, I realize there is a lot I do not have. I see the sparkly new cars people post, the amazing vacations, enormous homes, big diamond rings, tons of shoes and kids going off to great colleges. Maybe I didn't dream big enough, or for the right "things"? I can't wonder, I know my journey is my own.
I must say, I have had a very interesting life. My experiences have been compelling and exciting with plenty of great stories to tell. I guess I would categorize myself as very fortunate and luckily, I do have my health. But to balance the scale, I am fully aware of my failures at the same time. I have learned to let them go and not let the lack of successes define me.
Some of my biggest failures developed in the process of understanding the next generation. My children are so different from me -as I am sure I was so different from my parents, like living on another planet. I have had 4 children to help judge me, critique me and point out as many flaws as possible, throughout their growing, childhood years. Thinking back, I'm sure I had also expressed deficiency in the actions of my mom and dad. Sitting in my chair right now, unchallenged, because my parents have passed on, I feel like I can say I have done better. I have learned everything "not to do" in raising my own family. With that delusional statement, I have awakened to think... I was the perfect parent to raise someone like me, growing up in the times that I lived. WOW!! I just got there!
The problem with that is that I cannot go back to the time in the world that I grew up in- and place my children there. I'm gonna let that sink in for a minute and walk away.
I'm back, I really needed to explore that. In a bold statement... what I don't have is: the perspective and experience my children have growing up in this present world. I can base my thoughts, disciplines and understandings only from what I know. For all of us to communicate well, I must do the work and get updated with their emotional status, how their relationships work outside of the family, their technology and their personal list of priorities. All of my children are completely different by the way. I have also spent greatly needed time and attention to therapy myself with two of them to help change my rock-head, outdated, long forgotten, non functional ideas and create an all new technique in relational communication.
If you are a real lucky parent, your children will share with you what is so different from what you think you know and what actually is true.
We are going for the "solve" here, to listen. Tip: No one is correct all of the time - you must give and take. The new dream...is coming together and understanding each other. Honesty, respect, integrity, self love, faith in each other. With that, I am excited for what dreams may be next.
What I don't have...all the time in the world.
My husband John and I, together 21 years. Thanks John.